Maybe

Maybe if I had a mom

I’d love myself more

But I find self doubt to be easy

And self love to be a chore

Maybe if I knew what I wanted

After high school graduation

I’d probably have more peace

Yet I neglect the process of patience

Maybe if I had guidance

I could’ve made smarter decisions

Possibly ones less reckless

But with more precision

Maybe if I focus on the future

And less on the past

I could finally be happy

And build relationships that last

Maybe if I drive forward

Instead of looking back

I can appreciate what I have

Instead of thinking what I lack

Crucifixion

From the kiss to the cross
I remember it all
Every event in order
From a stacked deck I draw

First was the Last Supper
Last time joy came to visit
Unsure of what’s next
This can’t be the beginning, is it?

In the garden of sorrow
I watered with tears
Nobody fully understood
That I was growing my fears

Doubt put iron chains around me
Then came the worst
Betrayal came and kissed me
And whispered to me a curse

Condemnation put me on trial
He found nothing but fault
He said I was useless
And found what I had sought

Shame exposed me
For everyone to see
Everybody mocked and laughed
While I died slowly

I had been beaten
With the whip of insecurity
The crown of sin upon my head
Each one draining me of purity

Finally I gave up
Surrendering my life
They cut the rope of depression
Using Suicides’ knife

All I knew was darkness
They covered me all around
Telling me I was dead
And would never be found

The Vow

I promise to hold you
On the darkest nights
I promise to be faithful
As well as true

I’ll give you all of me
I’ll laugh at your jokes
Even when they aren’t funny
And always buy you 2 cokes

I’ll wipe your tears away
Be your biggest cheerleader
I’m not going anywhere
In your heart, I’ll always stay

I know we’ll have tough times
But you’re my best friend
This is just beginning
Of a journey that won’t end

Every day I look at you
Your beauty makes me go “wow”
I never stopped loving you
From the first moment to now

Eulogy

I’m sorry
Honestly I’ve tried
Don’t know what happened
Everything in me died

Can’t tell you when
Or even where
But would you listen?
Or even try to care?

Truth be told, I been dead
Loneliness and lies killed me
I just completed the mission
What’s the reward I’ll see?

You’ll cry now but not then
When I was breathing
You overlooked everything
Now all that’s left is my poem

You’ll attend my funeral
Pretend that you knew me
But you didn’t really
Even after I exposed all to see

Six feet deep
Not just my emotions
Everything all black
I finally can go to sleep

Confession 3

I know, another one?

How many more can I tell?

This isn’t fun for me either

I’m breaking out of my shell

I feel down a lot

I promise it’s true

Covering feelings in green

Even though I’m blue

I just wanna be noticed

Maybe even wanted

The ghosts of my past visiting

I’m feeling haunted

I try to be the best

Especially at work

Maybe I’ll achieve some status

Then I can rest

Always feeling like the worst

Even without cause

I feel like I’m stuck

Always on pause

Will I die great or mediocre?

Only time will tell

Maybe I’ll have better luck

If my life was a game of poker

Confessions 2

It’s me again

Back with more

Too many secrets

That I can’t ignore

You remember confession one?

No? It’s ok

Let me rewind

So you can get a replay

I mess up good things

But not on purpose

They affect me deep down

And even on the surface

Relationships I can’t get right

Maybe I’m toxic

Over and over, it’s like a cycle

With no end in sight

One year, two years

It doesn’t matter

My insecurities eating

They’re just getting fatter

My mind is full of thoughts

No room for anything else

Positive thoughts are like old toys

They just collect dust on a shelf

Maybe something else is wrong

And I just can’t see

Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel

Like my mother abandoned me

Confession

Time for confession

But I’m no priest

I’ve been fighting my demons

Only suffering defeat

They’ve been in my mind

Taking up space

I’ve been running

But I can’t pick up the pace

Confession 1

I mess up good things

I don’t try to on purpose

The thoughts insecurity brings

Confession 2

I feel down a lot

My favorite color is blue

But I try to cover it in green

Confession 3

I overthink

Imaginary scenarios I’ll see

And stress causes me to drink

Should I lay my sin on the altar?

Maybe an exorcism?

Grab the Holy water

I need to be immersed, baptism

8:46

Could it really be?
When they look at me
They see an enemy
While neglecting the inner me?

What do they see?
Is it my ancestry?
Let me give some clarity
My ancestors hung from a tree

Executed by a mob feeling angry
Innocent yet got a death penalty
Prisoner of death yet set free
No, not Jesus from Christianity

Do I lack humanity?
Do I threaten their comfortability?
Is my melanin expensive?
That death & oppression are the fee

I can’t breathe
Suffocated by the weight of sin
Not because I’m a criminal
But by the color of my skin

Could it really be?
When they look at me
They see an enemy
While neglecting the inner me?

Prodigal

It’s been a while
Confused on what to say
Broken words are uttered
I think I’ve lost my way

You said you’d always love me
I keep asking is it true?
Even after all my mistakes
I should come back to you

But would you accept me?
Or dismiss me like a court case?
I feel bound by my past
All I wanted to be was free

Maybe you forsook me
Like the many that came before
I’m lost like the Prodigal Son
And I’m knocking on your door

Last Time

We haven’t talked in a while

I haven’t gone senile

It’s just I’ve been busy

Spinning in circles, getting dizzy

I know what you’re saying

If I talk to you more, I’d be straight

But it’s so much on my plate

If this is a game, I’m not playing

Can I just be honest?

I can’t remember

The last convo we had

Is my connection really that bad?

I don’t remember

When I read your words last

Or even thanked you

For the present and the past

I don’t remember

The last time I went to your house

Or even seeked your face

No rush, I’m going at your pace